Finding my gold in the darkness

Hello! Welcome to my new blog. This is my first post. Thank you all so much for reading.

I want to invite you all on my journey of healing and recovery. My intention is to keep everyone updated with my progress, describe the different therapies I’m doing and share my triumphs and obstacles of every day life.

As many of you might’ve read or heard, I broke my back last year resulting in a spinal cord injury at T12, which has affected my ability to walk normally (you can read more about my prognosis by clicking the “My Injury” link on top).

Back in September, I began walking with a flexible walker two weeks after my fall. When I returned to NYC from Thailand, I continued practicing with a walker until I was ready to give the lofstrand crutches a whirl.

I practiced with the walker and crutches every day with my physical therapists around and outside the hospital, Mount Sinai where I was living for two months. Meanwhile, my friends and family would take me outside the hospital and wheel me around bars, restaurants and clubs.

After my discharge date from Sinai in November, I was free to walk anywhere and everywhere with the crutches and I didn’t let anyone stop me. I began taking subways and buses by myself, crushing several flights of stairs and taking long walks through the park. I ditched the ugly hospital crutches and bought myself an ergonomic pair from Amazon that had cushiony handlebars and built-in flashlights and horns. I even blinged them out with LED battery lights that change colors.

Unfortunately those got destroyed on a trip to Hawaii in January 2017. It was my first time vacationing since my accident. I went in the ocean with them and the battery of the horn started malfunctioning. Too bad they aren’t waterproof. Wearing my customized leg braces, I hiked up part of Napali Coast State Park and a much steeper path, the Kalalau Trail.

A few months ago, I said goodbye to one of my crutches. It was a difficult switch but I knew it would get me closer to where I want to be, which is walking without any supported device and eventually running.

I later replaced the 1 crutch with a cane, which gives me much less support and stability. I’m no longer crutchy- I’m caney.

I’m currently in my 5th week of training to become a yoga teacher. Since I need to touch something in order to hold my balance – even with just my pinkie finger –  I find the wall useful for a lot of the standing postures, such as Warrior One. I learned to modify all the yoga poses in order for me to receive the same experiences and sensations I’ve always gotten from them.

One of my biggest concerns of the teacher training was modifying the poses of other students. I neglected using my cane or crutches to get around the studio because they take up too much space in the tight crevices of yoga mats and I wanted to be totally hands-free. When walking inside an apartment or house, I usually waddle without holding onto anything by dragging my feet across the floor. But I can only do that in situations where I hardly need to lift my feet off the ground.

Depending on the space and the amount of students who attend class, I’ve been finding it manageable to adjust people’s poses while walking on my knees, crawling, scooting and sometimes waddling if there’s enough space. I’m finding mutual comfort in sharing the mat with other students when necessary.

Despite everything I’m going through physically, mentally and emotionally, I’ve found comfort and peace in having the ability to do almost everything I did before my accident. By choosing to have sovereignty over my own life, I’ve continued to follow my passions and make them work with my circumstances.

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